So I was riding the train this morning and I noticed this guy dressed in what I could only describe as 70's chic. In fact, I've seen this guy before and he is always dressed in this fashion. Let me tell you what he had on: Black slacks, a print shirt and a "big apple" hat. Now, for those of you that didn't exist in the 70's, I will go into better detail. His slacks were tight fitting around the buttocks/hip/thigh area but flared out around the calves. This is the classic 70's era style of pants. His shirt was a print pattern like you would see your granny wear if she was a babushka. His hat was the biggest "big apple" style I've ever seen. In fact, his hat could double as an umbrella. Now I could not tell if he was a retired pimp or a player on disability but I've seen him around the same time of day so that means he is either employed somewhere they allow him to dress in that manner OR he cosplays as Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch. Either way he must have recognized me from before and he decided to walk on the other side of the platform, possible due to the look of scorn on my face.
Anyway, as I boarded the train this homeless lady got on the same car. That's a bit judgemental, you say? How do I know she was homeless, you ask? Well, apparently, this was not the first time she had encountered this train driver. Now, she had quite a bit of stuff in about 4 plastic garbage bags and a baby stroller. She had a whole routine mapped out on how to board the train without leaving any of her bags. First, she wedged the first bag between the doors. Then she fetched the stroller and her other bags and then she double checked to make sure that she did not leave any of her possessions. The driver asked her to move the bag from the path of the doors and she promptly yelled "How come every time I ride this train you give me grief? Leave me alone!" She then proceeded to arrange her bags in a sort of beanbag fort and then she went to sleep.
On my way back is when the big stuff got started. As I got to the platform I see a bunch of people crowded at the door. WTF?!? Get out of the way, dammit! Once I moved beyond the doorway I could see why there was a fuss. Some guy is walking on the retainer wall separating the train from the expressway just as plain as day. Dude! He's just walking along like he had not a care in the world. That guy: "Noony Noony Noo." (whistle whistle whistle). One lady reported it to the CTA guy up top while everyone else pulled out their phones to record it for Worldstar. I called the State Troopers via 911. Here's how that call went:
Her: Hello 911 emergency.
me: Hi. There's a guy walking along the median on the Dan Ryan Expressway at 55th! He just jumped down from the median and he is under the underpass!
her: Where is he?
me: The underpass!
her: What underpass?
me: The Dan Ryan expressway at 55th!
her: Is he on the highway?
me: What?
her: The highway.
me: Wait, I can't hear you. I'm on the platform. Let me walk insaide.
her: Is he on the highway?
me: What?
her: The highway.
me: (Getting frustrated) Yes, dammit! Shit!
her: There's no need for that, sir. (Pause for apology. No apology given. No fucks given, either.) Let me transfer you.
new person: State patrol.
me: There's a guy walking along the median on the Dan Ryan Expressway at 55th! He jumped down from the median and he is under the underpass!
new person: What does he have on?
me: I can't see him from this angle anymore.
new person: Which side?
me: He's on the north bound side.
new person: Ok. We are on it. (Click)
Suddenly two Chicago cops come down to the platform. One walks one way and the other the opposite direction. I point in the direction of the guy and tell him "he went that way." Three Firefighters come down with a CTA supervisor who is telling the CTA to stop the power. My train pulls up and stops with no power to move and the driver tells the passengers that they will be sitting a moment while the responders get the guy. Everybody moans and people start to leave the train, looking for alternate routes. Not one person said "I wonder if that guy is alright." He was, however, 17 kinds of dumbass, 15 types of asshole and a few cocksuckers thrown in for good measure. When the responders got off the tracks and the train started moving I saw where the State Troopers I called had him by the side of the road and one of those big, dumb ass yellow roadside assist trucks had the highway blocked off. At that point I decided I had enough excitement for the day and went home to take a naps. And to that 911 operator, still no fucks were given about your feelings.
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