The double drunk bus

So I'm riding the bus and there seems to be a guiding hand keeping me on mission. I'm on my way to the West Side and I'm debating on the route. Should I go to the Red Line and switch at Roosevelt or should I go to Western and take the Orange Line to Roosevelt? I get to Western before I realize I just walked to Western. WTF? How did this just happen? The last thing I remember is going to Dollar General to get traveling snacks. I got distracted when the guy behind me in line was attempting to use my mass to hide his shoplifting activities. I HATE THAT! It makes me feel like an accomplice. It's like catching a ride with someone that decides to either shoot someone or rob a bank. Mo amount of explaining will allow you to avoid the felony charge. The guy got caught by the store manager and, even though he had a wallet full of cash she still saw him attempting to pocket some candy. CANDY? ARE you serious? Maybe if you were trying to feed your family or something like that but you are risking getting charge with shoplifting for some candy? AND you are getting me involved and I don't even eat candy like that. Bastard!

Anyway, I get to Western and the first thing I see is a guy peeing on the side of CVS. Really? Dude, put that thing away before you get frostbite on your thing-a-ling. Back to the story. I get there right when the bus gets there and I get on. Since I was listening to my MP3 player things seemed very quick. Before I realize it I'm at the train station. The train gets to Roosevelt in record time and I find out that the Green Line was being worked on and I avoided the whole thing. AWESOME!

After the meeting I catch the Chicago bus and this lady is is playing drunk musical chairs and messing with customers. Sit your drunk ass down. I try to ignore her as I am falling asleep. I have a mask on like I'm some sort a music ninja. When I wake I see like 3 or 4 other riders wearing masks. Is this the ninja bus? Anyway, the lady from earlier ends up standing directly in front of me in a boxing stance. Why is she standing up when the bus is half empty and why does it look as though she is going to chop me in the throat? WTF, lady? The bus is swaying and it looks as though she is about to fall into me. I cock back my hand to punch her and I say "Lady, if you fall into me we are going to have a serious problem." She is startled and sits down immediately. I scared her so badly that she took out a bottle of what looked to be the cheapest of whiskey and took a swig. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not in the habit of punching wine head broads and my reaction was purely defensive but sometimes you get people that like to take advantage of others through their drunkenness. This is usually followed by the statement "I don't mean no harm." Again, sit your drunk ass down and leave me the fuck alone.

Now and Nows

So I was riding the bus going to Dialysis and this guy gets on the bus. He was older and I figured that he was going to work because most people up that early aren't on any bullshit. So I'm minding my own business, listening to Pablo Harrington's Diskofunkshun Volume 2, and this guy pulls out a pack of "Now and Laters" and starts eating them. Nothing out of the norm until he starts throwing the paper on the floor of the bus. Why is this bothering me? Every piece of yellow paper that hit the floor provoked my ire. First, how are you able to eat them one after the other like that? My teeth start aching just watching him. I don't know if it was the fact that he was littering or if it was that the paper was on the floor next to MY feet and it looked as though I was the litterbug.

Anyway, when I get to the train station I'm standing under the heater waiting for the train. This guy stands DIRECTLY in front of me and starts rocking side to side like he has to pee. DUDE! First, you are so damn close to me it's like he wants me to spoon with him. Second, he is making me have to pee. Stop doing the pee pee dance, damn it. STOP!!!! I really need a car.

My pimp hand is strong

So I was riding the bus the other day and I noticed that times have really gotten hard for some people. The reason I say this is because I saw a guy that was obviously a pimp or player back in the 90's. How could I tell? Well maybe it was the fucked up "butters" (Straightened or relaxed hair combed straight back or in a nice hairdo but you are a guy) or maybe it was the jacket length fur coat or maybe the one matching color outfit. This was something you would have seen all the time on the South Side but he would normally be rapped in a long-body Lincoln or Cadillac. To see a guy dressed like a pimp on a bus is really depressing. It lets you know just how bad things have become. I wonder if they have special rates for pimps on the mend. Do they get transfers or do they let them slide? What if the driver used to be one of his hos? How does THAT get handled? "Bitch, you got my transfer in yo pocket!" or "Bitch better have my bus fare."