We don't want it if it's that easy...

So I was waiting for the bus and I was alone at first. After a while this bus driver walks up waiting for his connection. He was speaking shotgun Spanish so I couldn't eavesdrop to pass on anything juicy so we will forget about him. Next this young lady walks up. Apparently, she did not have time to put on underwear because her stretchy pants were telling all her secrets. If that wasn't enough she was going on and on about how she doesn't need a man in her life and the freedom that affords her to get as much penis as she wants from whomever she pleases. I don't know if she was fishing as there were several guys at the bus stop at that point but no one took the bait. As I was trying to ignore her declaration of indy penis, this biker lady turned the corner on a Harley. Sexy much? Anyway, I may have been ogling her because the SECOND biker lady turned the corner and gave me the mean mug. I think I may have been ogling her girlfriend. Don't worry about me, lady. Worry about those potholes! You are on 69th and Ashland!!

....or are you just happy to see me?

So I'm riding the bus and I'm sitting, minding my own business when suddenly this lady brushes against my elbow, trying to sit in the seat behind me. Wait. Did this woman just slide her entire vagina across my elbow? I'm not sure because I've never had elbow/vagina relations before and I'm not sure how that feels. I want to look back at her but I'm embarrased and I don't know what to say in such a situation. What DO you say to that?

"Excuse me, miss. Is that my elbow in your vagina?"


"Why, yes. Yes it is."

"That is what I thought. Carry on."

Dr. Legshooter, PHD

So I'm riding the bus and I see three old timers talking about old times. I'm not really trying to eavesdrop but they are talking loudly (I only assume it's because they can't hear very well) and I can't help but overhear the conversation (it's more like a dissertation because the other two are not saying much). So this guy is going on and on about how shooting someone in the leg used to be a minor crime compared to today because you get much more time in jail in comparison. Wait. What? How would he know this? Has there been a Harvard study on this? Has he been conducting this study and who has he been shooting to get this data? Did he take up Shooting People in the Leg as a trade from Washburn Trade School when he was young and now he is doing his research for his doctorate in leg shooting? Before I could ponder the implications of his findings I notice he is getting off the train at the 63rd St. stop. (Pause) I was going to go to the shop today but looking at my legs I decide to go home instead.