37 seconds

So I was on my way to the bus stop and just before I could get there I saw the bus leave. I missed the bus by 37 seconds. 37 seconds. 37. 3 motherfucking 7. You may feel that it wasn't much and shouldn't effect my day but let me elaborate on how this minor amount of time made the rest of my day late. I decided to take my alternate route and started walking to Ashland Ave., making sure that I watched the street so that I didn't miss the next bus. When I got to the bus stop there is no bus in sight. I decide to walk to the bus shelter so that I can at least get out of the wind, which is building by now. Just then a bus GOING BACK IN THE DIRECTION FROM WHICH I WALKED pulls up to the bus stop. Time to go to my ALTERNATE alternate route. Once I got to Western Ave. I see there is a bus waiting so I figure I'm good to go. 15 minutes later I check the bus time frame and is says "delayed." DELAYED? I've never seen that in my life. How can the bus be delayed when I'm looking right at it? Is the driver asleep? Is he letting it warm up? Anyway, he finally pulls up and now I'm concerned because the buses run every half hour that early in the morning and I don't want to miss my connecting bus.

At this point, he is driving at a good pace and I'm no longer worried. Suddenly, I see a hand wave and hear someone yell outside the bus as we pass a large snow bank. The bus comes to a screeching halt and this 5'3" dude dressed from head to toe in all black hops on the bus. First off, how the hell did the bus driver hear him, much less see him? Second, I didn't know that the local Ninja temp service had a shift that early. Hurry up and get on the damn bus, Naruto!

We make it to Garfield Blvd. with time to spare. Long story, short. I make it to treatment an hour late but managed to get on the machine at my normal time. I could have slept longer.

Selfish people ride for half price.

So I was riding the bus and this lady gets on with one of those smart phones. She is playing an Isley Brothers song without her headphones. Now most of the time it is usually a young dude of the thug persuasion playing the latest hot garbage off YouTube .com and practicing his rapping skills. Let's take a break and discuss that for a moment: How is it that these chuckleheads think that the ENTIRE bus wants to hear not only their favorite song on the crappiest, super tiny speakers in the world but also hear them mumble and stumble through the lyrics? I've never once called Ticketmaster and requested an arrival time for 50 cent's bus route so what makes this guy think I want to hear it on the bus? Anyway, I quickly realize that, no matter what song is playing, I really don't want to hear it on a mouse's version of concert speakers.

This gets me thinking about other types of selfish behavior on the bus like people that stand in front of the rear door. It's always someone that is larger than the average human that stands in that small area making it hard for someone to disembark. Plus, they impair my view of the bus. Then you have the people that sit on the inside row seat with a bag or package taking up the window seat. If you ask to sit in the "empty" seat they give you the nasty look as you have to slide by them (they never get up to allow you to sit). Then there is the guy that sits with his legs open super wide as if he has the largest set of testicles in the continental 48 states. Dude, you balls are not that big and if they are you should be on the way to the doctor's office in an ambulance and not on the bus. This type of guy also sits slumped down so that his knees jut out into the aisle so a person can't get by without difficulty. Are you the toll gate attendant?

And while we are talking about sitting on the bus I have a question. I have to preface this with a fact: I am not a small person. I have the girth of a much taller person so I take up most of my seat and some of the next one. With this in mind, why is it that every fat person in the world thinks it's ok to sit next to another fat person? I've never understood that. I try to find a skinny person when I'm looking for a seat so that we can both sit in relative comfort. Almost every time the bus starts to fill up some big, giant dude or some female with the biggest hips and ass in the world decides that the seat next to me is the best option for their large glutes. Smashing good times!