Ma-a-a-a-n-n-n

So I'm riding the bus but it is one of those accordion buses and I am sitting in the slinky part of the bus. I am very uncomfortable because the seat is higher than regular seats. I am 5'6" on good days so my legs are swinging as if I was a kid. It's hard to look manly when your legs are swinging to and fro. Then I noticed that the suspension in that section was especially rough and I appeared to be jiggling. No real man jiggles on purpose if he can help it. I quickly changed seats before someone tried to take my lunch money. Fat boy problems.

Asian persuasions

So I was riding the train and minding my own business when this Asian guy starts vomiting. It wasn't like an exorcism or anything but it wasn't something you see every day. Suddenly I started thinking that this dude was about to be patient zero in a zombie outbreak and I was thankful for my heavy, wool coat. "He can't get through THIS coat."

When I get to the station there are Guardian Angels handing out flyers and a TV news crew out front. As I locked eyes with this dude I suddenly felt as if I was being challenged to a pop lock battle and I needed to represent my crew. Maybe it was the fact that I was wearing my oil belts slung across my chest and I was dressed all in black but the only thought in my mind was that "I can take this sucker!"

I need to get out more often.

Bus rider Quick notes and random thoughts...

Apparently, people that ride the bus don't want to date people that ride the bus.

Riding the bus during school hours has made me hate other people's children.

I would love to go get some White Castle cheeseburgers but I'm told that they smell like freshly squeezed flatulence when you're riding the bus.

Just kicking it on the bus

So I'm riding the bus and I have to stand because the bus is a bit crowded. Suddenly, I feel this kick to my leg. I look over and I see what I assume is a brother and sister combo. I suppose the best way to describe the encounter is this:

kid; **kick**

Me: **glance**


kid: **kick**

Me **glare**

kid: **kick**

Me: **evil stare**

kid: **kick**

Me: **quick scan of the bus for a parent**

kid: **kick**
Me: **lock on target, getting ready to punch the kid's Mother in the uterus for having her**

At this point I was ready to kick the little girl in the face and tell her that Santa Claus hated her for believing in the Easter Bunny and her loose teeth had no value and she owed the Tooth Fairy for the previous transactions. Then I noticed that the little girl was one of five kids and I knew any confrontation with the mother would result in a 5-on-one slap fight. Thinking that I didn't have enough money on me to bail myself out of jail for beating up a family I decided to let it go.

**kick**