I love you, Bus Lady!

So I was on my way to the train and this guy was in my blind spot. No, I was not driving, but when you are a fat guy you have blind spots. Anyway, I got mad because I let this guy sneak up on me. I wasn't too worried because he was way too light in the ass to do me any harm but I could have been sucker punched and robbed! I have to pay better attention.

Anyway, I get to the train and this guy stops me to ask about my oils. I tell him the price and then he asks me if they last long. I tell him that they do but then I start to get the feeling that he was only passing the time until the train arrived. If I was just there to entertain him I would have charged a fee and told a joke. Speaking of jokes, What is Bruce Lee's favorite beverage? Waaaataaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

1Moving on. When I get to the bus I see this bus lady driver get on as well. I'm instantly smitten! I look for her CTA badge and she is not wearing it. Dammit! She is on the phone so I can't get her attention. Look at meeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! I want to snatch her phone and throw it out of the door so I can talk to her. Bus Lady, if you see this and you remember that you were riding bus number 1571 going west on the 79th street route around 11:20ish, I want to marry you! That or we can go out sometime, but only when my check comes because I can't afford you right now.

Death takes a nap

So I was boarding the bus and this family was ahead of me. The little boy was being pushy behind a random lady. His mother told him to not push his way on and wanted him to mind his surroundings, saying that it was Mother's Day. He immediately asked if it was ok to push the Fathers instead. I wanted to punch him in the throat.

Anyway, when we got to the train station I decided I wanted to ride for a while and boarded the train. I noticed a rather large man sleeping with several bags. He was sound asleep but I noticed he had on a pair of brass knuckles. I took a picture of him because I didn't think you would believe me. The picture is not a good one because I didn't want to wake him and get punched dead. I kind of like living.

Death taking a nap

As I sat down I started playing Candy Crush Saga and I noticed a really cute lady with several bags. She got off the bus with me and I wanted to ask if she needed help with her bags as it seemed that she was struggling with them. The attraction quickly faded when I noticed that as she was walking up and down the aisle she would stop at a seat that she wanted then she would spin around three times but would move on to another seat. She did this like three times before she settled on a seat. Hmmm. Either she has a compulsive disorder or she was a cat in a previous life. Either way the attraction quickly died. What's in those bags, lady? Where is my squirt bottle full of water when I need it?

When I got to 79th street, there was this guy that kept touching the garbage can. Why is this guy fondling the garbage can? Immediately, I start getting squeamish about touching anything this guy touched. Is this guy getting on before me? Argh!! He is going to touch everything I want to touch and I am going to Hepatitis E(bola)! OMG, I'm starting to itch. I was so glad when his bus pass said he had no money on it and he had to get off the bus that I wanted to shout! Get your germy ass off my bus!!

Garbage cans...

...and the men who love them.