We're going off the rails on a crazy train.

So I was riding the train today and I have to say that I could only categorize today as strange. It started with the fact that I view what could only be said as an abundance of mentally ill people. So much so that it seemed that there was a convention in town or something. I'm not sure how that many mentally ill people were all riding the same train and bus. I will elaborate further in the rest of my tale.

When I got of the train I saw an Amazon fresh of the plane from Themyscira. I assume she was because she towered over me (I'm thumping every one of you that made a short joke in the throat when I see you) and her ass was massive. So massive that it had its own gravity well and I was being drawn towards it (I know because I usually fall behind (!) instead of into behind when I'm walking from the train). I know she felt the eye radiation from me looking at it all the way to the other side of the underpass bridge.

Anyway, I got on the bus and it was like One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (The CTA version). This one lady looked like the character "Crazy Eyes" from the TV show Orange Is the New Black and she kept glancing at me and mumbling something under her breath. Did I just get chosen? Well If I did I already have experience with crazy girlfriends so I probably wouldn't notice much difference. Suddenly this young girl sat across from me and all I could smell was "fat girl fingers." What are FGFs, you ask? Well the scent can only be described as saliva, Jolly Ranchers, Now & Later Candy, Flaming Hot Cheetos, tears and secret shame all mixed together. It's very potent. I tried to look out the window to take my mind off the FGFs and I saw what could only be described as a skinny black kid with a Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 hat on and a a cape and shorts on. Ok, that's not going to help me out here. Back to the bus. This one lady got so fed up with "Crazy Eyes" that she moved next to FGFs and you could see the immediate relief on her face. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!

Oh, I almost forgot about my trip this morning. I witnessed two odd things which I could only say was a guy with an orange safety vest pushing a baby stroller with a large purple duffle bag in it and a homeless pimp. (I've got video of the baby stroller if you want to meet me somewhere where we can laugh out loud. See elsewhere in this post for a pic of the pimp.) otherwise I would say it was a normal day!

It's hard out here for a pimp...