Pimping ain't easy

So I was late for the bus today by about 30 seconds. Dammit. Which way do I go? Do I wait for the next one in 30 minutes. Hell no! Once I begin forward movement, I keep it moving! I decide to take my alternate route which is to take Ashland to the 95th Red Line Station.When i got there the train timetable said that the next train left in 2 minutes and the one after left in 12. After I see the train pulling out the sign changed and the 2 went away and the 12 was replaced by a 10. Swell. I go back upstairs to buy some food and drink and, upon my return to the turnstiles, the thing tells me that I can't go in. WHAT!?!? I try to get the attention of the CTA personnel speaking to two cops. It went something like this.

Me: Excuse me.

CTA person: Yes?

Me: It won't let me through.

CTA person: You have to wait 18 minutes.

Me: You don't understand. I just went through but I came back up to buy something when I missed my train.

CTA person: It's not our fault you missed your train.

Me: I understand that but since I had time I went to buy some food and I need to get to Dialysis,

CTA person: You have to wait 18 minutes

Me: I'm going to miss my appointment.

CTA Person: That's not our fault.

Other CTA person: (scoffs) Fine. (uses her pass)

What the hell? Was is THAT hard? OR are you mad because I interrupted you flirty flirt flirt time with those cops? How sexy can you be in polyester and sensible shoes?? Plus, I didn't know the CTA made a time allotment for being whores on the clock.

Once I get on the train everything seems to settle down and we are underway. This old guy gets on at 79th and he pushes his walker to the opposite door. It's one of those fancy ones with the chair built into it and he sits down immediately fall asleep. It was like a knockout punch. We get to 69th and he is sound asleep but suddenly he wakes as the doors are about to close and says "Son of a bitch" and walks the walker out trailing him. I could have sworn that he was going to faceplant himself but he is apparently a professional and a member of the Nitro Circus because he whips it around without missing a step. Fun averted.

Anyway, the ride home way better. The only thing that happened was I sat across from this Fraternity guy. He was a member of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc. (ΚΑΨ) and he was number 12 in a line of 15 and he was a pretty boy and possibly a nupe but I couldn't tell just by glancing. He had his eye on the lady sitting next to me. Except for her painted on eyebrows she was very attractive and he felt that way as well. He says "Excuse me, miss" but she doesn't hear him due to the earplugs she has. He waits patiently for his opening (or maybe I should say her opening because he was on the hunt). The problem I had with it was that he was staring at her the whole time. Dude! You are making ME nervous for her. He was like a big cat hunting something from the tall grass. As soon as she opened her eyes he hit her with the super smoothness. Cue 70's porn bassline. He mumbled under his breath because if he didn't want to start an orgy with his super pimpness. You know you have to wield that type of mack very carefully.

P.S.  I have been informed by some of my friends that I have performed a blatant faux pas to my readers by not concluding that story about the frat guy. For this, I am sorry.  I did not stay on the train long enough to see the conclusion of the booty hunt.  It was like the part in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the Nazis opened the Ark and Indy had to look away.  I was scared that I was witnessing something that needed to stay unwitnessed.