Back to the present...

So I was riding the train and I noticed this girl was pigeon toed. I'd never seen that before. It was almost like finding a Sasquatch or Yeti or some other legendary creature. She was about 5 foot even and "That Asssss" but her toes pointed inward. She might have been my future wife but I was too distracted by her feet! A shame.

Speaking of Sasquatch feet, I saw this other girl when I got to the bus who was very attractive until I got to her feet. Her feet looked as though she has been up to Alaska putting out that forest wildfire barefoot and did the D Lo shuffle all the way back to Chicago wearing hard soled men's church shoes that pinch. I sort of have a thing for feet and I can't see how a lady would let her feet get abused like that. Is there a DCFS for toes? Can the Government take her feet away for abuse? I know people without legs that take better care of their feet!

This.

Anyway, while I was contemplating women with better feet, this guy gets on with a baby stroller. Awwwwwww. Fatherhoodlum! He was complaining that it was hot (which it was) but he had on one of those bubble vets like Michael J. Fox had on in Back to the Future Trilogy but his was leather (!), a full head of dreads and sweatpants. I almost called the police because he was obviously trying to commit suicide by sweating to death but I didn't intervene. Just as I was about to congratulate his efforts at being a father he looked at this old man and asked him to give up his seat so he could put the stroller in the wheelchair spot. I didn't know how I felt about that because the old man looked as though he fought for the North in the Civil War and should have stayed in his seat, in my opinion. The CTA employee that was behind the guy looked on in disbelief! I was even more shocked when the other old guy in the next row of wheelchair seats gave him his seat so he could sit by the stroller (which is a requirement when riding with a stroller on the bus). Wow. I'm not sure how I felt about any of that.

This but with dreads and the vest is made of leather and the tears of third world children.

Well, after that I noticed a young lady who seemed strikingly attractive. I say seemed because when you are looking at people on the bus you have to do it in glances otherwise you may get punched in the face. I kept glancing at her until I got an entire picture of her face and I noticed that her top lip was fat like T.I.'s wife, Tiny. Oh my. I had not realized that there were other citizens of "Fat-lippia" here in the United States. As I was watching her top lip continue to swell, a guy walked passed her and she made the "ugh" face. Oh no, please don't do that, sweetheart. You need to smile for the rest of your life.