So I was riding the bus home and this time I was the spectacle. Well, maybe that is a bit harsh but let me explain. As I sit on the train I begin to notice that it is truly Springtime in the greater Chicagoland area. You know this by the fact that it is stretchy-pants season and all the bootycheeks have come out to play. I look around and see a nice selection of young ladies. The selection on the bus was better with the exception of this one "bitter bitch" that just had this look on her face like she was not enjoying life at that moment. If you were drinking whiskey at that very moment she would have turned it into a whiskey sour just by her look. Dang! You make lemons pucker!
Anyway, I see this well spoken, conservatively dressed young lady board the bus.I didn't talk to her directly but I can tell you the entire conversation we had through looks. It went like this:
Me: You are a very attractive young lady.
Her: I rebuke your advances, sir.
Me: I just wanted to tell you how pretty you are.
Her: I come from a society where compliments are against the law, sir.
Me: You look and sound very sweet.
Her: I'm diabetic, sir.
Me: I don't mean any harm.
Her: I carry a rape whistle and pepper spray, sir.
Me: Well, you enjoy your day and thank you for making mine better.
Her: Get thee behind me, sir.
So she leaves and I scan the bus for more eye candy. I see other women that I did not notice before and I'm like "they're ok but..." Then this one lady gets up and.oh, my (as I place my pinky finger up to the corner of my mouth). That ass!!! Suddenly, this guy sitting across from me chuckles as if he heard the exclamation burst forth from my brain. Excuse me, sir, but stay out of my brain while I'm being perverted.
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