Pet Peeves

Ok.  Since I was on the bus yesterday and nothing of worth happened I'm going to talk about stuff I don't like that happens on the bus.

1.  Large people standing in the exit door.  Look, I'm guilty of this, too.  When there is no room to stand you go to the exit door where you can at least breath but if you are a large person NO ONE CAN LEAVE OUT OF THE EXIT!!  YOu should see it when people try to get off the bus.  Super extra large people trying their best to get skinny.

2.  People listening to their phone MP3 players without headphones.  I don't want to hear the best of Lil' Wayne while I'm already being tortured by just RIDING the bus and I certainly don't want to hear YOU mess up the lyrics trying to rap along.  This is why they don't have Rap Karaoke night at the local bar.

These are not that expensive.

3.  Selfish people sitting in their seats with a tiny, ass bag next to them taking up a whole seat just because they don't want anyone sitting next to them.  This also goes for people stretching their legs across both seats like they are at home watching TV.  Cut that shit out.

Like this shit...

...and this.

4.  Fat people sitting next to me.  Look, it's just plain basic math.  If my butt takes up 1 1/3 of a seat and YOUR butt takes up 1 1/3 of a seat someone's buttcheek is going to be out in the aisle.  Find a skinny person to sit next to.

It's only funny in the movies.

5.  White people that act as though they are scared to sit next to a black person. Look, I get it.  Some of us are a little scary with all our dreads, snazzy talk, Hip Hop and our buttcheeks hanging out of our sagging pants but most of us are over all that Black Power stuff and just want a white friend or two.  Heck, I have tons of white friends and they don't even mind me being a black guy.  Hug a black guy today!

Black Power

6.  Women that hold up the entire line when boarding the bus just to find their bus pass.  WTF?!?!  You saw the mickey fickey bus coming.  You knew you were getting on the bus.  You gave all the men the "aren't you going to let me on the bus first?" guilt trip look.  Then you get on the bus and have to look for your bus pass?  You add like 1/2 hour to my travel time everyday. Put your bus pass in your bra like you do your money.  Now THAT I wouldn't mind seeing on a daily basis.

There is a lady looking for her bus pass in the front of that line.

7.  People getting the urge to testify on the bus.  Look, I'm happy you found religion but find it on the street corner like every other guy ranting about religion.  don't do it on the bus or train where I can't get away from you.  I have my own beliefs and I'm quite fond of them.  This goes for you sports commentators, too!  Your team is in the playoffs for the first time in five decades and now you are an expert on sports statistics?  GTFOOH!

8.  People that eat on the bus and discard their trash on the bus floor.  This one has a special place in my heart because sometimes I eat on the bus but I always take my trash with me.  The nastiest thing I see is ripped up bags from Harold's Chicken with B-B-Q sauce drenched bones sitting on a seat just so the next asshole can come along and push it off onto the floor.   I hate seeing a pile of saliva  infused sunflower seed shells too!  Cut THAT shit out!

9.  Tall people's knees in the aisle.  Look, I get it.  You are tall.  Yay!  How do you have the nerve to give ME the stink eye because I have to ask you to move your fucking long ass knees out of the way so I can get to an empty seat?

Ok, maybe not this guy but you know what I mean.

10.  Young black girls cussing like sailors.  What the Flying FUCK?!?  I've been around my share of professional cussers and I've not heard this level of obscenity all in one place and on top of that YOU ARE LOUD!!  Shit, cut that out!  We see you!

What did she just say?

Ok, that's it for now.  I'm tired and need a nap.  Wake me up when we get to my stop.