Mickey Mouse ears and Guy Code

So I'm riding the bus leaving the G.E.T.O. DJ'z Meeting and it's one of those buses with the sideways seats.  It's supposed to be designed so that it gives more room to people that stand.  What it really does is give more room to people that don't want to sit next to anyone.  So I'm sitting with one seat empty to my right and two seats empty to my left.  This mother and son get on the bus and she sits him on the side with the two empty seats leaving me with a one seat buffer between me and him while she sat opposing us.  I'm ok with this until this kid starts swinging this Mickey Mouse doll around and it's hitting me.  I don't want to say anything to the mother because I didn't want any Black Girl attitude and I didn't want to say anything to the kid because the mother would have went off on me.  Pow.  Pow.  Pow.  If this kid hits me again I'm going to rip the ears off his doll and punch him in the head.  As I contemplate how hard I'm going to punch this kid a little girl plops down next to me.  She's tiny so she's not all up on me so I'm ok with this.

Before I could punch the other kid a big lady plops down in the other seat between us.  At least she is getting pummeled by the first kid.  Now the bus driver is getting heavy on the brakes and I keep leaning towards this tiny, little girl.  I'm trying to not lean on her and my buttcheeks are clinching hard trying to keep balance.  I don't want this lttle girl to think I'm on some perv shit and get traumatized forever thinking she is going to get smothered.

Before we get to my stop a guy gets on the bus and stands in the front.  He is getting off in a few stops so he doesn't bother to sit.  After a few stops a fat guy gets on the bus.  He has the same idea and doesn't bother to sit down but he stands in front of the first guy.  Their stomachs are about one inch apart due to the second guys large belly and the first guy is getting nervous.  The second guy is in clear violation of Guy Code as the first guy tries to position himself so that they are not standing in each other's "Dick zone."  I felt uncomfortable for the guy myself.

I get to 79th and the Dan Ryan and I'm waiting for the bus.  And waiting.  And waiting.  While I was waiting I notice a girl on the opposite bus stop with what we used to call "coochie cutters" on (Daisy Dukes to my Southern Friends)and her buttcheeks are hanging out of the bottom.  Even the girl standing next to me was giving her the stink eye.  Now don't get me wrong, I like buttcheeks like the next guy but sometimes you can show a little TOO much in public.  She wasn't cold at all because her ass was very hot from all the "eye radiation" she was getting.

As we waited for the bus a supervisor came by in his truck and told us that the buses were detoured because of an accident aand we were to move to the next bus stop.  We walk over and cross to Lafayette just to see the bus we were waiting for pull up to the stop we just left.  The supervisor was probably watching and laughing his ass off.  Ass.

P.S.  Why is it that people with long legs want to sit in the middle part of the bus?  The long stretch buses have a midsection that folds like an accordion and there are two seats on each side.  For some reason people with long legs like to sit there which gives on room to anyone that wants to pass that section. If someone can answer that question for me I would be much obliged.