Don't buy liquor on the bus....

So this adventure starts with me trying new things. Well maybe not new things but a different route to get to the West side. I figure "today id the perfect day to try a new route." So I go west on 79th. This is fairly no issue except for the beggars that hover around the CVS store and I happen to need to stop to get something to eat. I forget to eat sometimes so I eat on the run throughout the day. Today I run into the one person who actually wants to be employee of the month and tries to get all friendly with all the customers. You are not my type and I have a bus to catch so shut up and take my money. I thought I was going to miss the bus but I make it just in time.I make it to the Orange line and everything is running smoothly. I see this Japanese hipster nerd with a bookbag on. He looks so interesting that I want to ask him questions just to see if he speaks in an English accent and smokes hipster cigarettes. I get a hold of myself and carry on with my quest. Next a white guy with a military buzz cut get on the train. He is talking to himself and he has some sort of nervous leg condition that is making him tap dance by accident. I know what you are saying: "Tap dance by himself? That is ridiculous!" I thought so too until I heard a rhythm coming from his feet. He sounded like "Happy Feet."




<Tappity tappity tap tap> <Tappity tappity tap tap> <Tappity tappity Tappity tappity Tappity tappity Tappity tappity Tappity tappity Tappity tappity Tappity tappity Tappity tappity tap>




Now being a former Military man and given his appearance I figure him for PTSD so I cut him major slack but he was making me nervous so I watched him until I got off the train. I transfer to a train that I've never taken before and the first thing I notice is how crowded it is. A Lesbian couple hops BACK on the train because the stud chick lost her wallet. (Side note: I like lesbians! That has nothing to do with the story. I just wanted to share that.) The conductor announces to be wary of pickpockets which sets the entire train on edge. Now EVERYONE is a suspect and we are all giving each other the stink eye. Man this ride sucks. Fortunately for me I only have a few stops. I get off and instantly lose my way. At least I'm off that powderkeg. I get to the surface and find my bearings and wait for the bus.






Now I figure that the rest of the ride will be smooth and uneventful. It was until this guy tried out his old Mack?pimp powers on this young lady. He went on and on about this performer that he was working with. I remember the guy's name vividly but I refuse to give him free publicity so I will not mention him here. When the young chick didn't buy into his BS she got off the bus and went on with her life. Then that old guy starts talking about how he used toe be a limo driver for some semi famous guy and how this performer is going to blow up. Then, out of the blue, he pulls out a giant bottle of Svedka that he claimed was worth $40-50 and he only wanted $20 for it. (It was probably a bottle of water that they use for display.) Besides him trying to sell this big, dumb ass bottle and trying to get someone to Youtube his project I had just about enough of this guy. He kept claiming that his act had won "Chicago Idol" twice. First, how do you win a talent show twice? Aren't there rules about you joining twice? Second, WTF is "Chicago Idol?" Sounds sketchy to me.