Warm weather flatulence

So I was on the bus this morning and this lady was asleep. Well, I think she was asleep but I couldn't tell (she was slumped over and her head was at an extreme angle). I wasn't sure if she was just asleep or she was unconscious. I was afraid to wake her because she seemed very tired. Plus I couldn't tell if she was just on her way someplace or she was homeless. A lot of homeless people use the busses and trains as shelter when the weather is cold so it's hard to tell (the Red and Blue lines are like flop houses during the night since they are the only lines that run overnight).Other than that the ride was normal for a change.

Anyway, on my way back the ride was still normal for the most part. I say this because I seemed to be aware of things that I would not notice any other day. For instance, the number of women with large hands. They seemed to be all around me kind of like that that skit on Seinfeld where the lady had "man hands." I wonder what that would do for a man's self esteem if his women was ham-fisted. Also there seemed to be a variety of strange smells on the CTA today. Like when I got on the train this lady smelled of weed. Now, let me explain how Chicago weed smells for my friends down South. You know how it smells in the Summertime when the skunks are in heat? That is what the weed smells like in Chicago AND THEY LOVE THAT SHIT!! I don't know how they figure they can smoke that shit and not tip off their bosses to the fact they are high. Next I'm on the bus and I smell a poot. Wait....did this lady in front of me just poot in my face? What the hell lady?!?! I don't know you like that!! I know it was a poot because it was silent and not as bad as a fart. Plus, most ladies poot rather than fart. I know it had to be her because it hit my face as she was bent over to sit down AND she had a large ass (I imagine that women with big asses poot more than skinny chicks but I don't have any hard data on that). If I ever try to get a doctorates maybe I can do my research on that.