So I was riding the bus and minding my own business, which i like to do when riding the bus, and I noticed that this couple was on the bus talking very loud. Now, when I say loud I mean extremely loud because I could hear them over my headphones. I was getting angry because I wanted to enjoy Loverboy's "Working For The Weekend" and they didn't seem to care. How dare they!! I wasn't interrupting you guys when you were getting drunk or high or whatever got you to that point so why did you have to be rude to me and my tunes?
Anyway, I tried to drown out the Loud Speaker Gang with even more tunes when suddenly this guy sits next to me. Now, if you are like me you would prefer to sit alone (unless it is a pretty girl) so, needless to say, I was a bit perturbed. When his man-purse almost touched my leg I wanted to snap. Who said I wanted you to sit next to me? To be fair, there was a chair between us because we were on the sideways bench but that is besides the point. Then it hit me. What the holy hordes of Hoggarth does this guy have on? Whatever the scent was, he was drenched in it. Now, I will attempt my very best to describe this "fragrance." It smelled like microwaved pissy diapers soaked in tomato sauce and topped in parmesan cheese with a side of garlic butter toast. UGH!! I wanted to throw up. Dude!! I kept thinking to myself that there was only a few more blocks before I get to the train. and I can get away from that stench. This is why when I decide to get a new cologne I take a female with me so that she can pick it out. He must not have any friends otherwise he would not have picked that scent.
When we got close to the train I got up, ready to bolt for the station. When he didn't get up I thought I might be able to lose him. I got off a full stop ahead just to get away from him and it was a good thing I did because the train had just pulled up. I started fast walking to get to the train and when I jumped on who follows right behind me but Eau de Pamper Piss. Dammit!! I started to go to the next car but he sat on the opposite end of the car. Whew!
So, on my way to the house, I decide to take the scenic route but the 79th street bus was super crowded. When I finally get a seat, this fluffy girl decides to sit next to me. The was ok but every time someone slid past her she would lean way into me. I mean WAY into me. She was damn near on top of me a few times. Now, if you know, me you know I'm a huge fan of personal space. Ooff! Dang, big girl, get off me! it got to the point where I wasn't sure if we were having sex or not. Ooff! Dang!! At least by me dinner first! Ooff! Ugh!! I'm getting a cramp in my leg. OOOOOoooofff!! If she keeps this up I am going to have to change my relationship status!
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