The double drunk bus

So I'm riding the bus and there seems to be a guiding hand keeping me on mission. I'm on my way to the West Side and I'm debating on the route. Should I go to the Red Line and switch at Roosevelt or should I go to Western and take the Orange Line to Roosevelt? I get to Western before I realize I just walked to Western. WTF? How did this just happen? The last thing I remember is going to Dollar General to get traveling snacks. I got distracted when the guy behind me in line was attempting to use my mass to hide his shoplifting activities. I HATE THAT! It makes me feel like an accomplice. It's like catching a ride with someone that decides to either shoot someone or rob a bank. Mo amount of explaining will allow you to avoid the felony charge. The guy got caught by the store manager and, even though he had a wallet full of cash she still saw him attempting to pocket some candy. CANDY? ARE you serious? Maybe if you were trying to feed your family or something like that but you are risking getting charge with shoplifting for some candy? AND you are getting me involved and I don't even eat candy like that. Bastard!

Anyway, I get to Western and the first thing I see is a guy peeing on the side of CVS. Really? Dude, put that thing away before you get frostbite on your thing-a-ling. Back to the story. I get there right when the bus gets there and I get on. Since I was listening to my MP3 player things seemed very quick. Before I realize it I'm at the train station. The train gets to Roosevelt in record time and I find out that the Green Line was being worked on and I avoided the whole thing. AWESOME!

After the meeting I catch the Chicago bus and this lady is is playing drunk musical chairs and messing with customers. Sit your drunk ass down. I try to ignore her as I am falling asleep. I have a mask on like I'm some sort a music ninja. When I wake I see like 3 or 4 other riders wearing masks. Is this the ninja bus? Anyway, the lady from earlier ends up standing directly in front of me in a boxing stance. Why is she standing up when the bus is half empty and why does it look as though she is going to chop me in the throat? WTF, lady? The bus is swaying and it looks as though she is about to fall into me. I cock back my hand to punch her and I say "Lady, if you fall into me we are going to have a serious problem." She is startled and sits down immediately. I scared her so badly that she took out a bottle of what looked to be the cheapest of whiskey and took a swig. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not in the habit of punching wine head broads and my reaction was purely defensive but sometimes you get people that like to take advantage of others through their drunkenness. This is usually followed by the statement "I don't mean no harm." Again, sit your drunk ass down and leave me the fuck alone.