So I was riding the bus and we stopped at the Ashland Green line to pick up passengers. The driver was in a hurry because she was coming off her shift so she was in no mood to wait on anyone. A few people kept testing her resolve and found themselves waiting on another bus. This one old lady got left as she tried to run up to the bus. I didn't think much of it at the time although she was carrying a polyurethaned picture of Jesus mounted on a cross section of a tree trunk and I guess I was obligated to feel guilty. Maybe if she had a cache of kittens, a parcel of puppies and a bundle of babies with her I would have felt something in my Grinch-like heart but, alas, no. Anyway, I needed to mention the old lady because she comes up again later. But back to the trip at hand.
At some point, a lesbian couple boarded the bus. How do I know they were lesbians and a couple? Because the stud made the fem sit in the front solo seat so she could guard her from the dangers of random penis (studs are sooooo defensive and aggressive). After a while I started to understand why the stud was on defense. Apparently, her girlfriend is what I call a 'thespian lesbian." What is that, you ask? That is a straight woman playing at being a lesbian. "But, Flint, why would you say such a thing?" Because she kept giving me the *when my girlfriend gets off this bus I'm going to be bisexual" eyes the entire trip. She was looking to trade up from her girl at the first opportunity.
So while I contemplated hot lesbians in love, the little old lady with the portrait of Jesus got on the bus. Wait. What?!?! How is this possible? We were on 63rd when she got left and we were on 74th when she got on! Did she sprint from the train to catch up to the bus? Did she use the teleporter? Did she use up one of her three wishes? I have no explanation for this unless she is Usain Bolt's grandmother. Good job, Granny Bolt.
P.S. I do realize that I did not properly address the fact that this lady carried a super large, laminated portrait of Jesus with her. How do you address such a thing, anyway?
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