The Coughing Man

This is a bus story.

So I was riding on the bus and I was minding my own business. You may find that fact hard to believe due to my many stories concerning the shenanigans and tomfoolery I witness on a regular basis but I just wanted to get home this day. I was riding a bus line I usually don't ride but I wanted to go to the grocery store because I wanted to eat something that was not submerged in grease this day.

Well, as we went along our merry way we stop at this major street. Some guy hails the bus but he does not board. We sit there for a moment while some very drunk guy stumbles across the street while this good Samaritan helps him get home. Kudos to that guy and if I had a cookie I would have given him half of it but I would have kept the half with the most chocolate chips. So this drunk guy stumbles onto the bus and he decides to sit.....BEHIND ME! Mothersucker! Maybe he will be a quiet drunk. Maybe he can hold his liquor. Maybe he was drunk from fruity wine coolers that smell delicious. One can only hope.

So I'm sitting there wondering what I will have to endure with this guy and then....**cough!** I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck move. Dammit! Now the older I get the more I realize that I am neither immortal nor invulnerable. I am very aware that I'm just a guy that can get sick from someone else's cooties. Cooties are bad, m'kay? Now I have this potential cootie farm sitting behind me coughing every 10 seconds and I'm freaking out. I'm not a hypochondriac but I can't help but think this guy is Typhoid Larry and I'm catching all sorts of disease and misery. My mind is going wild with every cough. Here's how it seemed to me:

**cough**
I don't feel well....
**cough**
I have the sniffles...
**cough**
I have a cold....
**cough**
I have the flu...
**cough**
I have cholera
**cough**
West nile...
**cough**
Ebola...

By now I'm freaking out and I can't wait to GET OFF THIS BUS!! I felt as though I was sitting in front of the Horseman, Pestilence! Suddenly it's my stop! I hop up to get off the bus with a complete feeling of relief until I realize that .....this...is...his...stop...toooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! Dammit!!