Ain't gonna bump no mo'....

So I'm riding the bus and that made me ponder a few things. Now I'm not a small guy. On a skinny day I'm 220. My question is why is it that large people want to stand opposite where you are standing? It's like a big butt toll gate. I don't know anyone other than people with booty fetishes that want to squeeze between people's buttcheeks. Even if you stagger the people standing up and it's like a booty slalom you can still navigate without having to brush against buttocks (unless you are into that sort of thing).

Anyway, I get to the train and I'm trying to find the best way to get to this place where my DJ group is meeting. I have a pretty good idea of how to get there but I'm about 2 hours late according to the supposed start time. I hop on the Red line but I want to change to the Green line so I don't have to climb that mountain of stairs at the Roosevelt stop. I change at 55th and settle in. I'm wearing my headphones to get in the mood for music. I notice some guy is making a speech on the train. I don't know what he is saying but I notice that every other person on the train pulls out headphones so they don't have to listen. I was like a headphone commercial was being filmed on the train. Two women got off a few stops later but so did the guy making the presentation. Can you get charged for talk stalking?

So, I'm riding and this guy gets on with a bike. He places the bike against the emergency door at the end of the car but then goes to sit AT THE OPPOSITE END OF THE TRAIN! (See picture of bike.) What the hella, fella?! The bike was wedged up against the door so anyone trying to get out of that car is totally blocked and you are sitting A CAR AWAY! Dude. AND who rides the train with a bike anyway? Isn't the purpose of having a bike so you don't have to ride the train? Ok, ok. I get that you are trying to avoid getting swamp ass but if that is the case leave the fucking bike at home. With people stealing trains and shit who wants to get trapped because some asswipe wanted to travel with his pet bike with whom he'd rather not be seen in public?

P.S. To the guy driving the R22 shuttle: You know you saw me coming to your bus and you took off to spite me. May your bus uniform gets fleas and your nutsack itches all night with a bus full of nuns.